Tag Archives: Humor

5 foolproof ways to annoy people on Facebook

1 May

You know how people sometimes complain about getting too much spam on facebook or make fun of what you post? Ignore and remind them it’s your RIGHT to post whatever you wish on your PUBLIC page and express yourself in ways you’d be shy about in real life! Facebook is THE place to vent your secret second persona if you have one, teach and inspire others, convert them to your faith and well, annoy others if needed. In case you forgotten how to do it, here’s five foolproof tips:

1) MORE DRAMA!

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Your facebook friends don’t get enough melodrama, sentimentality and sadness in their daily lives – you must help them! Quote favorite songs and poems, and write your own stuff – right there, on your wall. And don’t worry, it doesn’t have to rhyme. Don’t know how to get started? Just describe what you see – raindrops falling behind the window and how sad it makes you feel, and how love is pain and whatever else comes into your mind. Don’t listen to those who would tell you it all belongs in your personal diary or shrink’s office at the very least – facebook is your shoulder to cry on, your friend, your shrink and, most importantly your audience – the only one that would never turn you down.

2) INSPIRE!

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– Keep posting inspirational posters – you know, these pictures with quotes or messages against a dreamy background, like a photo of a sunset or a cloudy blue sky or Buddhist¬†monk. Make sure the quotes are as cliche as possible, saying stuff like: “Believe in Yourself” or “Don’t Give Up Your Dreams” or any other statements which sound totally obvious to anyone over the age of 20. What if one of your friends did miss this precious piece of wisdom – even if 200 other friends have posted it before you. Keep inspiring – who knows, it might change someone’s life!

3) PANDAS

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The more the better! Internet is full of ridiculously adorable panda pictures, collages and videos. Make sure your facebook friends see a panda every time they look at the Wall. And if you run out of pandas – new puppies and kittens keep flooding the internet nonstop. Best of all – pick the ones with captions, such as “What’s up?,” “Hate Mondays” and “Yey, it’s Friday!” – ’cause you can never have too many of those. And ¬†if you happen to own a pet, keep taking pictures of it and posting them online whenever you get a chance. Don’t you know your friends love being updated about your pet’s daily activities and go “Awww” every time they see a new expression on its furry face, same as you do!

4) KEEP IT CRYPTIC

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Write statuses in short, cryptic messages to baffle, disturb and even scare your friends and keep them wondering what the hell it was supposed to mean. Something like: “It’s all over” or “Never again!” Well, you know how it goes! People will wonder and scratch their heads, thinking what you’re up to and what kind of incredible kicks you’re having or tragedies you’re going through. And the simpler-minded friends will surely stop to ask: “What happened?,” and then you may as well tell them or keep on playing your little game. In either case – you’ll draw attention to yourself, even if you have nothing to say, so mission accomplished!

5) INVITE, ADD AND SUGGEST!

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Who says that the time when people pissed their pants at the sight of an invite to some new app, game or group is well over? Who says most of us have already played the dumb games and filled facebook with too much garbage and cleaned it out and don’t want to go through that again? Don’t believe this nonsense! Keep inviting friends to play Farmville and Mafia Wars, join Your Calendar and add them to as many groups as you can find – regardless of their interests and without bothering to ask them. If people fail to respond to invitations – keep at it! And if a friend deletes and blocks you as a result – don’t worry, you probably have another 300 to do it to.

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Going for broke

28 Apr

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My most recent discovery from the world of sitcoms, 2 Broke Girls is not exactly exactly a comedy masterpiece. Lots of jokes fall flat, some of them are also quite repetitive and the plot barely hangs together. Think of it: a rich girl (Caroline, played by Beth Behrs) goes broke after her banker dad loses all their money and goes to jail. Instead of going to stay with her relatives (obviously not all of them are incarcerated) and getting some fancy job which wouldn’t be a problem with her connections and social standing, she goes waitressing while sleeping on the subway (wait, what?).

The other of the two broke girls, Max (Kat Dennings), is a more realistic character, yet with her wit and baking talent and the fact that she has been clearly working since she was 15 and living in New York, it’s astonishing she hasn’t advanced anywhere past a basic waitress at a diner by her mid-twenties. Though, seeing how she insults customers at the slightest provocation, it’s amazing how she could hold on to any job that requires people skills.

But well, it’s not that bad really. The show is amusing and cute and, sometimes even outright hilarious. Kat Denning’s Max, clearly the leader of the waitress duo, delivers a combination of cynicism and hotness that is more often found in male TV characters. She’s sassy, smart, cool and just so luscious. Also, the cashier, Earl – is quite the legendary character. A sort of TV’s Sam Jackson or Morgan Freeman.

So yeah, despite the imperfections, 2 Broke Girls is definitely worth a watch on weekend nights – when you feel like being entertained, without needing to focus too much. Though I would still insist that the part about the horse is way out of line. Don’t even get me started on that horse